Leading nowhere

Lately I have been thinking a lot as to where my life is leading! All these years I was so much into building a good educational foundation that I never thought I would reach a stage which would make me question the same. It's of course necessary to get into a profession which gives "job satisfaction" and at the same time leaves you with good amount of time for your personal life. And I am sure most of us are held at the center of a tug of war between these two parts-personal and professional. One will have to compromise on one of these to a certain extent by setting priorities.

In fact, my thoughts see nothing at all in future for myself! I am simply not able to visualize anything coming! These 22 years were no doubt beautiful. But, how am I to make the rest of my life beautiful? (Yes, I don't know what to do!) Not that each moment should be beyond happiness. But atleast it should leave me with a sense of satisfaction and a smile when I look back. And I am definitely not willing to spend years on something for the heck of it! It is a gift that we are born as human beings (And I especially am glad that I am me :P). When you go by the convention of 'work to make a living' I feel.. Is that life all about? And pat comes the reply from within..NO! And the next moment 'then go get what you want!' And again comes the reply 'But I simply cant!!'..Why? One thing I want needs money as a resource and the other thing I want needs time! So.. back to square one! Its driving me nuts and leaves me blank.. totally, absolutely, completely B.L.A.N.K! For me fifteen to twenty years down the lane is imaginable. But right now.. I feel like I am in the midst of a disaster! Leading nowhere! However, thinking day and night about it will not give a solution. Am I to force myself to like what I do..in order to meet all the desires? Or sacrifice all the desires and do what I like? Chaos.

Only thing which gives me a moment of peace is the Geethasaara that I came across some days back:

Aadaddella olleyadakke aagide
aaguthiruvudu yella olleyadakke aagide
aagaliruvudu aduu olleyade aagalide
roodhisalu nee yenu kaledukondiruve?
naashavaagalu neenu maadiruvudaadaru yenu?
nee yenu padediddaruu adannu illindale padediruve
yenannu neediddaruu adannu illige neediruve
nenne beryaraddo aagiddiddu indhu ninnadaagide
maatthe naale innyaraddo aagalide

so very true :)

Belur

Indian mythological epics and the related history/stories have no boundaries. It would probably take several decades to compile all of them and several years to read and remember them! There are also several moral stories like that of "The Buddha and Angulimala" which we were taught in school..there are many things to be learned from these historical stories. Hoysalas have provided all of it in the form of a compact(relatively) Belur temple. It stunned me! The intricate work, the depiction of stories from Mahabharatha, Ramayana; Bahubali; charm of Shilabalikas; sculptures conveying message; gods and godesses..and even fashion for that matter! (High heels, hair styles, attire that existed in their era etc) Not even an inch has been left blank on the walls of Belur temple! You name it, they have it! However, some parts are incomplete and many more damaged during attacks.

Darpanasundari(Lady with the mirror)- she and the name itself has fascinated me ever since I came across a stamp on her. Elegance on stone!

This picture below reveals a universal truth: When a man reaches adolescence, the ugliest of women (the sculptor uses a donkey's face in place of a woman's) look gorgeous and sensuous! There is an equivalent saying in kannada as well.(But again..I think Beauty is in the eyes of the person who sees it..it is a matter of perception). Also, I have realized that the persona and inner self of a human being are more important. Each one accepts the happier part of the other person. But, it is also equivalently necessary to accept their vices. Appearance and external beauty remains today, perishes tomorrow. Every decision we make today, we ourselves have to reap tomorrow- good or bad depends on individual's approach in life. There are numerous such minute sculptures that deliver immense reality.

To end this article I would just like to add on that it is necessary to preserve heritage centers like these. Many parts of the temple have been damaged- some by the Mughal attacks and the rest by locals. This sculpture depicting Arjuna's archery skills..to shoot the fish's eye..focusing on the fish's reflection in a pool of water is damaged heavily. Reason- People thought that if they strike the strings of Arjuna's Dhanassu it would give out musical sound similar to that in Hampi! And so...plop! goes his bow!


Superb architecture/craftsmanship and it probably needs a couple of visits to learn and notice all the intricate details of this temple.

What next?

We have witnessed lots of changes in our lives. Be it in matters of material pleasures or the betterment/detriment of our lifestyles over the years or in culture inherited. It was such a quieter world some decades ago. Even today my grandfather tells me the amount of money he used to pay for groceries, a clock, his cycle, how they lived in a joint family etc. It's very nice to listen and feel the tranquility that existed in those days. When I look at today's life from an old-age Indian perspective, the world feels like a mess, with no order. Each one busy in his/her world with even your next door neighbor being a stranger.

Its quite natural that I am proud being born in India and that I place the dignity of my country at the highest possible place. Its also natural that when I meet people of my kind, I feel they are in the right direction in life. But, different people think differently. What some might feel right, others may not. With extreme kinds of people that I have come across of my age, there are several questions that come in front of me. How will the future generation be? With the kind of ideas that I get to hear, from my very own friends (not necessarily my kind) I was just struck! When my fellow classmates belittle the capability of India and rise questions in this regard telling "There is nothing possible here" or "There's no life here and it is a waste living here" it simply was unacceptable. May be to make a better living one decides to migrate. But that does not mean, you should belittle the country that you survived on all these years..that gave you air to breathe. However wonderful another lady looks, you cannot call her your mother. Your mother is always your lovely mother, no matter how she is or what she is! ( And this makes me proud about womanhood :) She gives and gives and gives.. everything she has) And then I am left with the question of, what will these set of people teach their children? That their "Mother India" is incapable and wasted? It just reflects their lack of concern for their roots.

Others are of the kind who do not respect elders..hmm..and also who do not respect women. What will be the morale of a child who is brought up by them?! Also, how well will they themselves hold and protect the dignity of women in their family? It is the question of one living person and his entire life we are talking about! It is a duty of the parents to bring up their children in a "not-a-wrong" path. A small matter left without considering can give a twist in the kid's life. Parenthood is indeed a huge responsibility. For this, it is important for the parents (together) to know and distinguish between what is right and what is not! Values in life are extremely important. I see lots of people of this generation lacking this and it scares me. I am not telling that we have to go back to a lifestyle where children never used to raise their voices against parents and elders. But, as long as you know you are right about a thing/issue, I don't think one has to worry or be scared. If it results in a mistake, at least you will learn from it and that it was because of your own decision. But this confidence that one be aware of what he/she is doing and an inner strength to take a step on his/her own can be inculcated only by the environment at home and in the society in which the kid grows. And I am scared for those who show no signs of infusing these in their children. Simply because the future of this society will be in their hands.

There were days when parents used to make their children learn arts, traditional music (like Karnatic and Hindustani), dance etc to preserve the culture and also because it adds a different kind of personality to the child. These Indian visual and performance arts are just not for fun or pleasure! Even today, if you observe an old karnatic music singer who has dedicated all his life to it, you can notice that tejassu (in kannada) on his/her glowing face. And they live no less than 70-80 years..with sharp senses. Gangubai Hanagal, Ustaad Bismillah Khan, Kunnukudi Vaidyanathan form excellent examples. Nowhere do we find such dedicated people in our generation. We are all responsible in this matter. There are numerous wonderful cultures and customs in every regional part of a state in India. I hope we put enough efforts to pass it on to next generations.

just a small important thing

There are a few things that I have always wanted to tell people. And spread the same words to as many as possible.

First issue is a social one..wearing a helmet. I really don't understand why some people don't like putting this thing on! I see a lot of people on bikes without them. You can set your hair right after you take off your helmet, but you cannot set your life right after a mishap! Why do some of us fail to see the brighter part of many things? This instance happened to a known friend's son. At 11 in the night, he set out to have a ride on his newly bought bike. When asked to wear a helmet, he told that its just the next lane and he will be back in a jiffy. He fell off at a hump at the end of the road and hit his head..resulted in death. Was it worth? There are umpteen number of cases like these that happen everyday..which may not be fatal however. We only relate and learn when a close one goes through the same. So, why not learn before going through?

Next one is very subjective in nature and depends on the individual. However, I thought I will get this out of me and lay it down here. Those of you who think I am right can think so, and those who do not agree can discard this piece. It really does not matter to me. Any person you meet, deserves respect for whatever he/she is. Each one has his own identity in life. I am getting to travel in BMTC buses a lot lately. And I observe that people who are not so well to do or with agriculture as their main occupation..or..hmmm..let me say the blue-collared set of people are being handled with disrespect. I am referring to public life and not in any jobs. You may know things that he/she does not know. You may be well dressed and trim in appearance. But mind you! They also know things that you do not! And..Ah! they look so beautiful with a nice saree draped around or in a typical traditional outfit which exist in the rural parts..men and women alike. They are in fact very civilized. And have basic demeanor that most of us lack. They know how to smile, they know how to extend a friendly gesture to a stranger who is lost, they know what life is all about and how they have crossed the worst of times in their lives. They know the value of a single pie and how hard it is to earn and make a living. They are the best of the lot to gain experience from and I think getting to hear their experiences is a privilege. If you cannot respect them, at least do not disrespect them! Do let them keep their natural beauty, because when you slightly giggle at them, you are only provoking them to be one amongst you.

Expiry?!

I had a hearty laugh after reading tons of things on the year 2012! When I first started watching the related videos on youtube a couple of months ago, I was a little apprehensive to even think about finding out more details. All I got to hear was bits and pieces- "Mayans".."2012".."Doomsday".."December 21st".."disaster"..and I didn't bother much about it..may be because I was/am scared of death or may be because it would scare me so much that I would not be able to stop thinking about it. I really don't know. Gradually, as the trailers of the movie 2012 were out, there was no escape route.

There are a plenty of reasons and predictions mentioned on the sites. It really sounds like they are forcing the world to an end! Even though the earth itself wants to live. I am reminded of this sequence in the movie Taare zameen par..that there exists a community who, if they want a tree out of their way, do not fell it. People stand in front of it and start abusing its existence, cursing. And gradually, the tree looses its essence and withers. I honestly feel something similar is happening here.

Oh! C'mon! Seriously?! An end to the world three years from now? You got to be kidding! If this were true there would have been a small sign or hint somewhere by now! Or atleast I don't see anything coming. There is another reason widely seen/heard, that some Planet X is going to crash into earth. NASA has ruled out this..because if it were to be true, astronomy should have caught "Planet X" to be on its way to earth by now. As for the Mayan calender, though it has an end in 2012, they DO have a start of a new cycle after 2012- this new cycle brings along good or evil-nobody knows.

I learn that the same was predicted to occur in May 2003. Human nature..when it didn't happen, it got postponed to 2012! And what would be the excuse if it does not happen in 2012? The rumors will probably be postponed yet again! And people will have to live eternally in fear and with all the hype it gains. Ever since I have started analyzing the reason for existence I have believed in enjoying every moment in life and also to live to the fullest..no matter what. There is some energy which exists around..and it goes with our thinking. If you think positive..you are leading yourself to the same. If you think negative, you are creating negative energy around. It's a matter of faith. It really seems quite impossible that a catastrophe is just steps away.. because we have been living normally all these years..an abrupt disaster is unlikely..and it's kind of hilarious to imagine earth with tags of manufacturing date and expiry date! Anyways..only time can tell.

One man stood up!

He was a man who was composed and could pull himself together. A man who thought practically for the betterment of one huge nation, against those who never took it towards the good. A man who had a lush green future ahead of him and at a point in life had two paths ahead of him to choose from. And he chose the tougher one. Not many can do it and he definitely deserves to be placed amongst martyrs. He was Nathuram Vinayaka Godse.

Ask any Indian- young or old, man or woman, the response you would get is.."Oh! Godse! He assassinated the Father of the Nation!" If you ask older people they would also probably give you the details they witnessed on the historic day. But, have we really given it enough thought? Have we really looked into the reasons behind the assassination of an ahimsaa-vaadi? (What an irony!!) I don't think we have.

A cumulative set of events from the time Gandhiji started gaining influence on the Indian National Congress and he indirectly deciding, publishing and bringing into force these decisions upon one gigantic nation (note that I am referring to both India and Pakistan..together-one morally integrated country in early 1900's) through the then highly-looked-upon Congress enraged a class of people who thought on the same lines. Godse and Narayan Aapte belonged to this class.

Gandhiji's sathyagraha and his determination to hold his fast until he achieved his objective..not by mutual consent, but by force..can finally..I think, be called a one-man-army carving(or scrubbing?!) the fate of billions!; his unchecked tendency to yield to all the demands of the Muslim league without examining the causes, the process and the consequences, led both himself and the two countries towards disaster and finally terminated in partition. Also, to this day the same problem remains unsolved! As if this was not enough-
1)The war for Kashmir,between the newly formed India and Pakistan was called off when India was just steps away from victory by the then Prime minister Nehru
2)The withheld release of 55 crores to Pakistan after partition was forced to be released by congress, succumbing to Gandhiji's sathyagraha

These probably cut open the last thread which held Godse. He was a journalist by profession and claims to have time and again expressed his opposition to Gandhiji's ideals in his journal "Agrani" and also through "Hindu Raashtra" of which Savarkar was an integral part.

I am not here to condemn the ideals Gandhiji adopted. Each person has his/her own point of view and it deserves respect. And each one does what seems right to him/her. But, may be Gandhiji's ideals just didn't fit into a large-scale implementation. When one has a country in his hands, he has no rights to lead it towards disaster and no rights to take decisions on behalf of billions without the consent of its subjects, especially when he is not running a government for us! He was just a common man who was famous..some found his ways good and an equal number of people didn't.

Eventually, Gandhiji's numb acceptance to all the demands of Muslim League sowed the idea of distinguishing India..to consist of two religions and two sets of citizens- Hindus and Muslims. On an eventful day, Jinnah put forth a demand to bifurcate into two and he was not willing to listen. And then the refugees, bloodshed, poverty etc. I sometimes imagine the period between 1900 to 1947 without Gandhiji. And somewhere I feel, may be independence would have landed in a more elegant and integrated manner without him. There were/are several others who have sacrificed things which a common man cannot even dare to think of these days. They deserve equal respect. But are less talked of.. I hope their names don't eventually get lost in the pages of history in the coming years.

I just look upon this person who had enough courtesy to bow wholeheartedly before Gandhiji with reverence before firing at him and enough conduct to offer his condolences to Gandhiji's family. M.V. Kamath, a budding reporter then, who happened to be in the court recalls that there was a painful silence after everyone heard Godse's justification..women were in tears and men held back theirs with a cough..if a judgement was to be taken by the people present in the court that day..they definitely would favor Godse. Such was the clarity of Godse's statements.

And I happened to start to know this man (through a book complied by his brother Gopala Godse) and learn his ideals from November 15th, 2009..exactly 60 years from the day he was hanged..i.e., 15th November,1949. A matter of timing again! :)

a welcome

Finally! Here I am! In the middle of the night..with some space for my words and views. May be recession has brought me here..else, I am amongst those who come home, exhausted after a day's work, waiting to lie flat on the bed! I'm a graduate in the field I love the second most..Electronics & communication (first one was Aeronautics.. it was my dream when in school!) and I am waiting for my joining dates from an MNC which recruited me last August, parellely applying to institutes for PG.

Everybody has dreams. How you would want your day to go, the kind of work you would want to do, the first "thing" you would want to take home in your first salary, the kind of person you want to have as your better half, ambitions to expertise in your interests..blah blah blah.. it goes on. Of course, dreams are really important. However, over the years, I have realized that it is necessary to have a purpose in life. A vision. And for me, it does not end right away..too long a procedure to realize "that" vision.

A couple of years ago, I was this person who was so.. I dont know.. was so ill-tempered, yet cheerful; extremely moody,yet what you call in kannada sthithapragna; strange creature really! I sometimes wonder if it was me!! What I am trying to tell is, growth with time is very necessary..and this growth coupled with experience and reflections of the mind has made me realize things with time.. an objective and purpose for existence which gets clearer as days become weeks and weeks years, wiping out the haze.

I love travelling. Had this craziest idea to step on every possible patch of land, water(don't ask me how) just once..only once! Now, that "every" has got lowered to a state of "almost every". And there is my list of "must do once in life"-Get to know all the possible cultures present, their customs, why they follow it, see the remnants of all the perished civilizations (esp. Harappa Mohenjodaro, probably the only thing I expect to see in Pakistan), walk through freakiest caves, swim in quite water bodies (I'm not a great swimmer to fight against the rough ones) do some coral explorations, stay at the hotel Taj once (this one got into my desires a couple of weeks before it got attacked), hike on the Himalayas, trek in the valley of flowers, a ride in the Grand Canyon and stay in igloos at one of the poles, watch live olympics opening, watch a live wimbeldon and many many more. So, given sufficient amount of money, a bodyguard and a map, I can really get lost!

Apart from the above, I am a philatelist, though this has lately reached a not-working-state because of lesser postal system and greater e-systems. I have a 3-generation collection of stamps and related materials,with the newer generation contributing more! (I mean the least being from my grandfather and the most from me) Will resume it when time comes..or rather..when stamp comes!

Mom pushed me into Karnatic music when I was in, I think 2nd standard. Though it was me who volunteered to join, soon my little self found out that the classes would eat away my playtime with my buddies in the evenings! And it used to really get on my nerves! This was in Uttar Kannada district where my dad was posted, in a small colony of Civil Engineers who worked on power plant projects. Once we moved to Bangalore, I was put to a new karnatic sangeetha master, who made me start all over again! Initially, I used to learn it for pressure..later became a pleasure. This is too in a not-working-state for now. Hobbies are very necessary to keep a person going..if not now, in your dotage.