Leading nowhere

Lately I have been thinking a lot as to where my life is leading! All these years I was so much into building a good educational foundation that I never thought I would reach a stage which would make me question the same. It's of course necessary to get into a profession which gives "job satisfaction" and at the same time leaves you with good amount of time for your personal life. And I am sure most of us are held at the center of a tug of war between these two parts-personal and professional. One will have to compromise on one of these to a certain extent by setting priorities.

In fact, my thoughts see nothing at all in future for myself! I am simply not able to visualize anything coming! These 22 years were no doubt beautiful. But, how am I to make the rest of my life beautiful? (Yes, I don't know what to do!) Not that each moment should be beyond happiness. But atleast it should leave me with a sense of satisfaction and a smile when I look back. And I am definitely not willing to spend years on something for the heck of it! It is a gift that we are born as human beings (And I especially am glad that I am me :P). When you go by the convention of 'work to make a living' I feel.. Is that life all about? And pat comes the reply from within..NO! And the next moment 'then go get what you want!' And again comes the reply 'But I simply cant!!'..Why? One thing I want needs money as a resource and the other thing I want needs time! So.. back to square one! Its driving me nuts and leaves me blank.. totally, absolutely, completely B.L.A.N.K! For me fifteen to twenty years down the lane is imaginable. But right now.. I feel like I am in the midst of a disaster! Leading nowhere! However, thinking day and night about it will not give a solution. Am I to force myself to like what I do..in order to meet all the desires? Or sacrifice all the desires and do what I like? Chaos.

Only thing which gives me a moment of peace is the Geethasaara that I came across some days back:

Aadaddella olleyadakke aagide
aaguthiruvudu yella olleyadakke aagide
aagaliruvudu aduu olleyade aagalide
roodhisalu nee yenu kaledukondiruve?
naashavaagalu neenu maadiruvudaadaru yenu?
nee yenu padediddaruu adannu illindale padediruve
yenannu neediddaruu adannu illige neediruve
nenne beryaraddo aagiddiddu indhu ninnadaagide
maatthe naale innyaraddo aagalide

so very true :)